Kind of Done

I have been searching for a purpose in my online presence for years now. Do I blog or share music? Do I Tweet or Facebook? I have given it all a try and quite frankly I think I am kind of done with all of it. I’ve been trying to share myself and creatively keep a journal for some time. I just recently passed the 600th post on this blog and it’s made me think back over the years about some of the things I’ve had to share.

I am not sure why this change in heart. Partly because its beginning to bother me a little this constant interruption it causes. Worrying about others and what they’ll say. I don’t know, I want to share but I really don’t think I want the whole world knowing about it especially with little or no anonymity. I think that has probably been one of the bigger mistakes I made. It’s great to have a blog or site I can send people I know to check out a little bit about me and what I’ve been up to but for me I really want something therapeutic. Somewhere where I can really just share or talk about stuff without it being worried about being careful or whatever.

With Facebook I get to keep tabs on those I know or things I care about as they can do about me. I am okay with that – to a degree. Writing blog posts has always been fun for me. It’s a well thought out letter to whomever which I can talk more specifics than the shallow and trivial Facebook status updates that seem to have infiltrated every moment of our days. And with my blog I am not even sure the purpose. I want to share things I like or find. Sometimes I will post an interesting article, quote, or picture. Other times a music video, recipe, or story. Or an event, code sample, or fetish blurb. It seems all over the place. Who can even follow what I am beginning to think is completely random.

The mask of anonymity is sure nice. I am not seeking to make hateful statements or fear reprisal but it is sure nice to be able to cut loose and talk about taboo this or that without worrying about my job or friendships getting in jeopardy. But even if I were to head and create something… I just don’t know if it is worth investing my life energy into something that ultimately doesn’t matter.

Perhaps that is the quest here. Relevance. To matter to someone or have something to say or share that helps or inspires someone. Maybe. Or maybe its to cut loose and let it all out. I see some pretty neat blogs and things out there… it is just a lot of work for something that, well, it may be better to spend the energy making music, writing, and playing with kids. I just don’t know. I come to the same problem with music too. I should do what makes me happy and not worry about the outside world.

In the end that’s all that really matters.

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One Response to Kind of Done

  1. Crystal says:

    This is EXACTLY where I am at right now too. I so know how you feel. I blog as a journal, really. But it’s so much effort, and because it’s so random as well, it doesn’t exactly garner readership. Which really doesn’t matter I guess. I really love a lot of the blogs out there that are geared towards one or more of the specific hobbies that I have, like crafting or homesteading. I think, “I could do that!” But then I realize the huge time suck that is, and how I then become a slave to an online community, and I have to step back. I’ve been in that position before, and while there is the high of being well-known and respected for the body of work that you produce, the stress is truly through the roof. And really, life is not about these things. So…I know what you are going through. We should be happy to just catalog things for our own family, and maybe not even online. Perhaps with photo books, or an honest to gosh handwritten journal. I don’t know. But I might not be blogging much longer either. We’ll see! Good luck working this out, I know its tough.