I am back at work. It was a somber experience getting up this morning, getting ready, and then leaving the family for the day. I’ve spent a lot of time with them these last few weeks and have grown closer with all of them. I bonded more with Helen. Her cute smiles and giggles have brought me to feel great joy about having such a small baby in the house. Henry has been growing too; slowly exploring his boundaries and developing his own will. It was trying at first. Initially I was ready to go back to work but as time went on I realized how backwards my selfish priorities were.
Of course I need to work. I need to provide so that my family has a place to stay, live, and grow. I humbly accepted this responsibility but after almost three weeks of spending time with them I feel this has all taken on a new meaning for me. It saddens me to see how broken things are in this world when people decide to have children and then abandon them. Selfishness is a very sad trait I see a lot of and even combat myself. Honestly, though, I wonder if our society is any more selfish than one a few hundred years ago. Perhaps its not selfishness, but entitlement that is worse than anything. And thus my thoughts wander.
I also had the honor of recording and photographing my pastor’s wedding which was a very simple, private event which also touched me. It was wonderful to see love and application of biblical servitude they reflected at one another. I saw that and reflected on my relationship with Crystal over the years and admit I fell quite short to my vows I had made those years ago. Everyone has their own struggles, demons, and habits they attempt to conquer. I am very thankful Crystal has stuck with me for as long as she has. It is easy to take things like marriage for granted. Really, any long term commitment.
So here I start another new year. Tomorrow is Saturday. My parents need some help picking out a computer for my sister. I have akin this Friday to ripping off a band aid. Saturday and Sunday I will let the wound heal and Monday will be the beginning of the first 5 day marathon of 2009.